Critters

Hello friends!

I don't know about you and your past week but we have had an interesting one, to say the least. As most weeks do, it all started Monday, when we finally cleared the office stuff out of the guest house. The girls and I cleaned, organized and set up a fairly incredible entertainment complex for kids (so when you come visit, I hope you enjoy Disney DVDs and Nintendo Wii), stocked the frigo with obscene things like Root Beer, Coca-Cola, Klondike ice cream bars and bottles of water, put in a stereo system along with our collection of seven million CDs, added a few cushy/fluffy elements such as rather huge feather beds with many pillows and, just as we thought it was cozy enough for kids (until I buy some decent adult furniture) we turned around and watched this giant SCORPION walk through the door. So after retrieving my previously mentioned pistol and returning that weirdly tailed demon back to that dark place from whence it came, we calmed down a bit. (Actually, it was only 2 inches long and I used a flyswatter; but doesn't the gun story sound better?)

As if that wasn't enough, Sagey then decided to jinx us with this comment: Step-G, there are three 'S' things in this world that really scare me...scorpions, snakes and spiders. To which Sjaantje responded, 'Make that four 'S' things: scorpions, snakes, spiders and Sagey.' You can imagine what happened then - the girls play fighting, tickling and chasing each other out into the back garden until all of a sudden they nearly stepped on a 3 foot long SNAKE! In our yard. Oh, great. You know I hate snakes. Scream, scream, scream and then back into the guest house, slamming the door behind them. Although I never saw the snake, I immediately grabbed the flyswatter as if that was going to solve the problem. After discussing this episode with David, he informed us that the snake is a harmless grass snake named Fred who lives in the luxurious greenery around the primordial soup pool. Inevitably, all of this commotion was followed by spider after spider after spider. That's what I meant by Sagey's jinxing comment.

While we're on the topic of critters, have I mentioned how many deer are in Wimberley? They are literally everywhere - in our front yard, in the neighbor's yard, by the grocery store. It's difficult for me to describe the beauty of the deer. What...majestic? fragile? gorgeous? and perhaps defiant? The deer are all of that and it is a breathtaking joy to see them. And the defiance perhaps comes from the unfortunate fact that the deer are often hunted by Chevrolets and Cadillacs. Unfortunately, after Wuzzy was attacked by that Mastiff in France, Sjaantje continues to freak out whenever any other animal is around, specifically when we're walking the dog. Therefore, even the deer scare her. Bless her sensitive heart!

Speaking of Wuzzy, we took him to meet the prospective breeders yesterday. They live in San Antonio and, after checking out Wuzzy's physique, they announced that Wuzzy is exactly what they were looking for to mate this perfect 'bitch' in Arkansas. I asked, 'Is her name Hilary?' to which they innocently responded, 'No, her name is Rebecca.' So that's a blessing. Anyway, we still have to get some x-rays of Wuzzy's hips, the inevitable sperm count and then....well, I understand this is going to sound weird and Henk and I looked like ridiculous goof horns when we first heard it but here is a part of the conversation:

Breeder woman: Looks good, gonna have to come and collect him.

Henk: OK. Do you need our address? And after you pick him up, then what?

Breeder woman: What?

Henk: Collect him. Don't you need to know where we live and can we come along?

Breeder woman: No. I mean I need to collect his sperm. Not the dog.

Henk: Oh! Woops! (Pause) How does that happen exactly?

And I'll stop that story at this point.

Hey! We actually had a dinner party last night! It's been about 3 months since I've cooked for a crowd and let me just mention the fact that I have been missing it so. Eight adult guests, Henk and I plus four kiddos who obviously were out battling snakes and scorpions while they watched their movies and ate Pizza Hut pizza - delivered to the house! Unfortunately the pizza came with a few packets of pepper which, unbeknownst to Sjaantje, would be harmful if thrown in the eyes of the attacker. Point being, Sjaantje and the two other girls were wrestling and doing other seemingly harmful yet innocent things with the boy, Atticus (14 years; think Atticus Finch) and as a defensive measure, Sjaantje grabbed an open packet of pepper and threw it towards Atticus. Flush the eyes, flush the eyes, etc. Atticus was a good sport and laughed about it, while Sjaantje stood there completely mortified. 'I didn't know that was pepper! When have we ever had a pizza delivered, Mom?!?!' She's right, especially about the packets of pepper part.

Dinner/arrival of the guests started off grandly, until I went into the living room and watched as my dog contentedly ate the very rare and expensive bread we had bought for the occasion. Funny, he didn't touch the cheese and charcuterie I had out...only the bread. The dinner was a 5 course success and, yes, no big plastic things allowed on the table. In fact, not so strategically I told one man to remove his baseball cap or I wouldn't allow him at my table. I'm so mean.

Admittedly, we received some wonderful 'host' gifts. A large bowl of okra (gumbo) and green tomatoes - some things we are definitely going to use. Henk is, in fact, making gumbo right now; and fried green tomatoes are a delicious southern dish, but one has to be in the mood for them. The one gift which is bothering me is 1.5 liters of Deep Eddy Iced Tea Flavored Vodka. I'm so not there. Don't drink vodka, don't drink iced tea unless it's a matter of life and death. Water, coffee, wine, orange juice. That's it. Boring am I.

XO

Wend