Overcoming our phobias - or not

Hello dear friends!

My snake phobia grows. Last week, thanks to Tropical Storm Hermine, we had a little respite from the heat. But with that short-lived luxury came 12 inches of rain and as cozy as it may sound, in this part of the world that loosely translates to 'flash floods' and Wuzzy banging his head repeatedly on the pantry door at 2:00 am. I think I had mentioned before that there are 2 or 3 rivers or creeks running through our town...this was before I found out there are actually 5. No biggy except most of them flooded which made the chances of major damage, accidents and drowning very high. Fortunately, I heard of no major issues in town but you should have seen the snakes that were beached. What kind of a mother AM I, letting my daughter swim in those cesspools of slithery things?

Our friend Dean found a 3 foot long coral snake at his gazebo. Still quite alive and sneakily coiled under the river floats in the children's outside play area (the snake, not Dean ), the creepy poisonous reptile decided to challenge Dean to a fight. Dean won, thanks to his boots and a shovel. Being a typical Texan and knowing that snakes like to 'play dead', Dean whipped out his pocket knife, lopped off the snake's head and hung the carcass in a tree. I'm not sure what he did with the head but the yard was apparently much more festive.

You think that's bad? Guess what then happened to Dean...An hour or so later, he told his friend about the snake. Mr. Friend said, 'Dude! Ain't ya got no bucket?' Dean said something similar to 'No.' Mr. Friend said, 'Man, you shoulda just throwed that Daddy in a bucket, took it to that Science thingy over yonder. They's gonna pay you one thousand buckeroos for that there critter. But he got's to be alive. Venom, you know. Like my ex-wife.'

I'm sure you remember our new snake in the primordial pond. You know, the one who hangs out with toads? Well, we drained the pond to sort of force them to find another habitat. And then the rain came and the pond was overflowing. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what lurks in that mosquito factory right now but I do know that Wuzzy refuses to go near it. And if for some reason Wuzzy does a tentative sniff test of the pond, he then bolts right into the sliding glass door. Although now he's only smarfing the glass with his nose and tongue, Wuzzy's going to break that door one of these days but I still refuse to keep it open...snakes, toads, frogs, opossum and who knows what else...

...Probably spiders, actually. Big, yellow and black striped, 3 inch long hungry spiders called 'banana spiders' or 'zipper spiders'. Yes, we have one of those now. Oh, joy. She has made her beautiful and rather large web (3' by 6' or 1 meter by 2 meters) on our front patio. We call her 'Petunia' and she spends her mornings, afternoons, evenings and presumably throughout the night hanging upside down, waiting for a cricket or grasshopper or an unfortunate gecko to become trapped in her dwelling. As Henk is still somewhat a fascinated scientist and Sjaantje has no real fear of any critters, the two of them often catch large bugs and pitch them into the web. At which point it takes about 15 seconds for that unlucky insect to be completely wrapped in spider silk and 0.5 seconds for my skin to become a series of pimply looking bumps. You probably know what happens next. The best part about having pet Petunia is that she was - emphasis on WAS - pregnant. She left for a day to lay her egg-sac, or whatever the correct terminology is, and returned as a much smaller bellied fiend. I mean friend. An egg sac = 100 babies. Maybe 1000. I'm not sure of anything other than I really hope they all hatch and make vast webs across our house facade in time for Halloween. That will certainly cut down on my Halloween decoration expenditures.

To abruptly change the subject, we received Sjaantje's first academic progress report! On a hundred point scale, Sjaantje scored: 100; 94; 92; and 89 in four different classes; the 100% was in her Language Arts class. The Music and Home Room grades were not listed, but I seriously doubt there is a problem. Can you say 'proud'?

Sjaantje's music teacher at school will begin teaching the recorder/flute to the kids in January. Yesterday, Sjaantje decided she wanted to show off her flute playing skills (can you believe that?!!) and took her flute, along with her old music notebook from Mr. DeBombourg's class, to school. After explaining to her teacher how and what Mr. DeBombourg taught her, how some songs she learned were actually in English and then translated into French (i.e. 'We are the World'), she then played a few samples. The teacher wanted to keep the notebook to see how the French teach flute! This was all Sjaantje's idea...actually instigating a conversation with a teacher, playing the flute and then showing off! I cannot express how thrilled I am. What a change!

I swear, Sjaantje is one of the most clever and interesting young chicas to ever come along. I know, I know...I'm her Mom. But tell me this: Did your child ever write a word backwards just to make sure it fit on the line? No, it's not Satanic. It's logic and takes an exceptionally organized brain. Sjaantje had to spell out 'The International Double Dutch Society' on some homework last night - which dealt with anacronyms. When I reviewed her homework, she had forgotten to insert the word 'international'. So instead of starting at the left margin (to squishily fit the word in), she started with the 'L' just before the word 'Double' and worked her way backwards - to make sure the word fit in the margin. Artist!

I've recently learned about a new unit of measure: a cayan. Admittedly, first I assumed it was a cayenne, as in pepper, but after listening to a verbal recipe I realized it's a different thing altogether: 'Just add you a cayan uh cream uh cel'ry, then a cayan uh cream uh oneeon to that bird pan. Slop you another cayan uh water and cook it! Easy as pie!' (Frankly, I find making a pie extremely challenging.) I'll be rushing off to the nearest Sur La Table or Williams Sonoma this weekend, without a doubt, to find this new culinary tool. Have any of you heard of it?

Henk and David are going to Costa Rica next month. Sjaantje and I are not. Meanies.

That is the extent of any news around here! Other than Sjaantje has signed up for a 'cheerleading' camp which includes a performance at the local football game this coming Friday. Diving head first into Americana, her first practice was Monday night. Since the object of being a cheerleader is to scream at the crowd and engage them in silly chants and antics, Henk and I are interested to see how that pans out with Sjaantje. It also reminded us to purchase a health insurance plan for her.

After the practice last night, the parents received a little 'Reminder' notice for the procedure at the football game. Very helpful, indeed: 'There will be signs up and JV & Varsity cheer moms around to help direct parents of wheres to drop off and pick up little cheerleaders.' Is it any wonder Sjaantje has a 100% in Language Arts? Maybe she should teach the class.

Gros bisous and take care,

Wend

P.S. Dean told me the other day 'I had a steak last night that tasted like a shoe.' When I asked 'What cut of steak?' he replied, 'Cow.'

Cheesus and Crackers

Hello friends!

I have spent the last few hours remembering each of your distinctive laughs...Some examples: Jill - a wholehearted and hugely smiling reaction, even your ears smile; Trine - giggling enough to make everyone else around you feel the same way, whatever that is; Viv - at first a contemplative laugh, followed by full bellied delight; Corinne - snickering, smiling and always with a twinkle in your eye because you know something that the rest of us don't; Peggy - scrutinizing and then cracking up with that gorgeous smile of yours and ending your laugh in a 'ha ha' with the second 'ha' being slightly higher pitched than the first; Ross - chuckle, chuckle and blush; John - boisterous and jolly; Ted - no hesitation, gut wrenching hilarity; Davey - smiling and then saying, 'Wendelyn, there is definitely something wrong with you.'

So there's that. Other than fending off wildlife, I'm obviously not very busy at the moment.

Just as we thought we were critter free, a new snake decided to stake his claim in our now drained primordial pool. He/she has two toad friends and this threesome seems inseparable. How cute! No. I want them to go away. I accidentally on purpose dropped a big rock in their general location, missed them completely, and now they use the rock as a shady hideout. There is not a snowball's chance that I'm going to pick up the rock and try again. As if that wasn't enough for my weekly quota of amphibia and reptiles, there is also a huge 16 oz. coffee mug sized bullfrog who likes to sleep on our outside doormat. It doesn't bother me that he sleeps there; what is unnerving is opening the door at 6:00 am (my new truly horrid schedule) and sleepily stepping on the slippery mass 3 mornings straight. (Fantastic alliteration, eh?)

In addition, we are inundated with cicadas/cigales. They're on the walls, sidewalks, patio and if I don't pay attention, they kamikaze themselves right into my newly permed coif. Freaky, freaky, freaky. Frogs, locusts...I'm starting to feel like Job from the Old Testament. To top it all off, as I was washing my freshly slimed foot and at the same time making coffee Tuesday morning, I glanced outside and saw what I thought was the world's largest and boldest rat. A shoe box sized critter was walking along the sidewalk, picking up the cicadas and taking a big chomp out of them. Good ol' American breakfast on-the-go. Once I put my glasses on, I realized the critter was an opossum. He actually was very cute and I instantly liked him because he was ridding the sidewalk of the crunchy cicadas. If he'd seen this, Wuzzy would have completely freaked.

To keep you updated on the goings on here, I'll be brief...

1. Sjaantje passed both her vision and hearing tests; Henk did not pass the hearing test. Sjaantje does not have tuberculosis.

2. Sjaantje started school two weeks ago and so far has had two tests, scoring a 95 on one and 115 on the other. That makes her average, what..105%? Wow, wow, wow! Everything is bigger in Texas.

3. She rides the bus to and from school and the first morning met a girl who also rides the bus, lives just around the corner and is in the same homeroom class as Sjaantje. The two (Sjaantje and Lauren) have become fast friends and as Lauren says, 'Study Buddies!' Gotta love it.

4. Sjaantje eats lunch at the school cafeteria where the menu for the first week was: cheeseburgers, tacos, pizza, chicken nuggets, nachos. Admittedly, this week they've changed it a bit: tacos, pizza, grilled cheese sandwich, hamburgers, calzone. The funny thing is the weekly menu is decorated with pictures of cauliflower, courgettes, beets, asparagus, tomatoes and cows. With the exception of the cows, I have yet to see any of those yummy things on the menus. Truth in advertising. Getting wiser by the day, Sjaantje has decided that she absolutely despises Tator Tots and would prefer to take a homemade lunch 3-4 days a week. We bought a lunchbox this weekend.

5. Unfortunately, one evening Sjaantje had an urge to try macaroni and cheese - which is truly an American icon. I broke down and bought a 'box dinner' of Kraft Mac and Cheese. Does this slogan make you cringe or is it just me...'Classic Cheesy Goodness!' Cheesy it was but salty it was even more: 720 mgs of sodium per box. A box makes 3 servings.

6. What we thought was rosemary/romarin growing in one of our herb pots turned out to be a weed. Something just wasn't right when we put it on our veal chops. Of course we know what rosemary is supposed to look and smell like; we just assumed these were the immature sprouting of the herb. Wrong answer. After plucking the weeds, the rosemary is now growing.

7. I've heard from other parents here, plus read on the news that American/Texan schools no longer teach the students how to write in cursive. The main focus is computer keyboard skills. Thank God Sjaantje learned the art of writing in France.

8. Henk is now a consultant as a plumber: designing and constructing an outside shower for a client of Dean. This is very good practice for when we build a shower and WC for the guest house. I'm going to buy him some very special, low riding work pants.

Speaking of Dean, he and Dalana came over the other night and we spent the evening swapping silly stories about our various experiences. Dean is a retired professional bull rider and his stories centered around bull riding, the 'buckle bunnies' (rodeo groupies) and squirrels; Dalana stuck to stories about cockroaches and their demise via gun usage in the house; Henk and I talked about Auchan and life in France. I haven't laughed that hard since our last get-together in France! That must be why I thought about each of your laughs - they're so etched in my brain and very missed.

Now for some local folk stories....

Out of the 3 times I've been to the new grocery store (about 12 miles away), I've been accosted twice. The first happened as I was checking out the cheese section. The new HEB store has mucho mas queso than our local Brookshires Grocery...REAL Dutch Gouda from Gouda as opposed to Dutch Gouda from Wisconsin, authentic Camembert - also not from Wisconsin and even Halloumi - that wonderful Eastern European cheese that you can actually fry in a skillet. As I was absorbing the vast selection, a woman approached me and said, 'You look like you know about Jesus. I'm having a Jesus and cracker party but I have no idea what to buy. Can you help me?' At first I just stood there looking at her, knowing that I had a great education in the teachings of Jesus but ironically and most likely I was exhibiting the same blank expression as those other people I've mentioned before, and wondering what Jesus had to do with crackers. 'Oh! Cheeses!' For a moment I was confused but thus began my first teaching lesson regarding cheeses. It was quite fun to talk about cheeses - what varieties to serve, with what crackers, a little background on certain cheeses and don't forget the olive oil with freshly ground pepper for dipping, etc... As she left, she (since I never got her name) said, 'What the heck are you doing in Wimberley?!!' I'm still working on an answer.

A week or so later, as I was scrutinizing the veal chops at the HEB store, a voice beside me said, 'You smell real good like.' Thinking I was suddenly transported into Napoleon Dynamite's friend list, I again adopted that bemused and somewhat vacant expression - only to find I was looking at a very nicely dressed and coiffed middle aged woman. My next teaching lesson was on the benefits of Jo Malone - whose products, I told the woman, I had applied 6 hours earlier. After telling me that her preferred perfume and lotion line had just been discontinued, the woman wrote down the info on Jo Malone and walked away happy.

Along the same lines but maybe from a different angle, Henk visited an entirely different store last week on a quest to find some wonton wrappers. The store is directly across the street from the new HEB and subsequently is suffering for patrons. Henk said that he was one of exactly 4 customers in the store. Although the store guy hunted and hunted, they no longer had any wonton wrappers. To make up for the lack of wrappers, they simply gave Henk an Almond Joy candy bar, for his trouble. I love Almond Joy candy bars! Do you think I'm bad if I go back to that store and ask for wonton wrappers?

Gros Bisous! Big kiss!

Wend